Preparing For The End

There's one month left to go until school starts, which means I'm counting down the days until I have to go back to work. I'd be lying if I said that thought doesn't fill me with a certain amount of panic. After 15 months at home with A, she'll be heading to day care and I'll be heading...somewhere.

What exactly I am going back to has been a question that I've been grappling with even before getting pregnant. If you've read this blog from the beginning, you've probably gathered that work hasn't exactly been my Happy Place over the last few years. I thought that a year away might help me get my motivation back but it has only increased my desire for change.

I considered my options:

1. Same old, same old. The thought of going back to substitute teaching and continuing to wait for things to get better leaves me feeling deflated and stuck. In my province, you start out as a sub and basically wait your turn for a permanent position. It's been five years with no real prospects in sight. Maternity leave felt like a "now or never" opportunity to get off of that hamster wheel and if I don't take it, I'll constantly be wondering "what if?" 

2. A completely new direction. The big downside here is that most other career directions would require going back to school. That's a big time and money commitment that I'm not ready to make at this point. I actually did have a college program picked out before A was born but as I started looking into it more seriously, I was unable to find a version that could be done totally online. Right now, that's a deal breaker. Also a deal breaker was how much sales would be a part of the job (the program was in the financial services sector).  

3. Half in, half out. This is the current plan. I'll be going back to teaching in the fall and actively looking for something else. If I do find something, I'll take a leave of absence from teaching to see where things go. I am cautiously optimistic; while there isn't anything right now, I did come across a few interesting opportunities earlier in the year that would have been doable. That gives me hope that something will come along, I just have to keep watching and waiting.

That probably doesn't sound like much progress but it feels good to have a plan and feel like I'm doing something to make a change instead of just complaining about how much the status quo sucks. I've already updated my teaching resume and have applied for a couple of contracts, since a full-time paycheque would be good if I could get it. The non-teaching resume is a work in progress. 

What doesn't feel as good is knowing that I won't get to spend my days with A anymore. Realistically, this change will be good for both of us. She will make new friends and have tons of new experiences, and I will have some adult time again. Sometimes I get excited by the thought of having total freedom once she's in day care and I have days off. I can get stuff done around the house! I can enjoy some quiet! Then I feel guilty and worry about who will comfort her when she needs a snuggle. We found a day care that we love and I know that she will be in good hands. I know she will be ok. But it will be a big change for both of us so I'm making extra effort these days to appreciate all this time together while we still have it.

Review: Divergent

Divergent, Veronica Roth

Divergent series #1

Young Adult Fiction, Dystopian

Finally. FINALLY.

This was the "I don't want to put it down and you can't make me" kind of book I've been waiting for. I got the boxed set for Christmas and I'm glad the other two books are already waiting in the wings.

There has been a lot of hype over the Divergent series for the last couple of years but I fell down The Hunger Games rabbit hole instead. One of my book club friends actually described Divergent as "The Hunger Games with more rules." She wasn't too far off. There are a lot of similarities and Divergent is pretty formulaic. All the usual YA tropes are there: a teenager who has some special skills, doesn't fit in with her peers, gets separated from her family, and is the only one who can save them all. Unlike The Hunger Games, however, there is no annoying love triangle and Tris, the main character, is more relatable than Katniss. 

At first, I will admit that I was underwhelmed and thought the premise was kind of stupid. The series is set in a dystopian Chicago where everyone is separated into one of five factions according to their dominant personality trait. Tris has the dilemma of not fitting into just one faction, making her "divergent." The factions came about as a way to maintain peace but this seemed like an oversimplification of complex issues to me, and the idea that people can be classified according to just one trait seemed ridiculous. But as I kept reading, it all came together. We meet Tris just as she turns sixteen. She's had a very sheltered upbringing and her understanding of her world is pretty limited. Since the novel is told from her perspective, our understanding is limited too and it grows with her. I appreciated that.

I took a bit of a break to read Freakonomics but I'm already itching to get back to this series and find out what happens next. I love it when a book lives up to its hype and this one was a definite winner!

Review: What to Expect The Second Year

What to Expect The Second Year, Heidi Murkoff 

Non-fiction, reference, parenting

Sometimes it feels like my daughter went from a sweet, immobile little baby to a full blown toddler over night. Suddenly, she's throwing food on the floor, getting into every nook and cranny she can find, and mimicking us saying "nonono" as she does the exact thing we'd tell her not to do. At first, it was a little overwhelming; just when we thought we had the whole baby thing figured out, we were back in uncharted territory.

I picked up WTE The Second Year from the library looking for some comfort and guidance. It's always reassuring to know that my kid is perfectly normal and that it's all a phase. I already knew that, of course, but it always helps to see it in print! I was particularly interested in a few specific things:

• Dental hygiene. We were already brushing before bed most nights but I wanted to get into a more consistent, twice a day routine with an upgrade from her baby brush.
• Eating habits. Between the food throwing, the lack of interest in cow's milk, and the 20th percentile weight she's been maintaining for a looooooong time, I had some concerns.
• Behaviour/discipline. I know how to deal with teenagers since that's my job, but I wanted some tips on setting a good foundation and managing behaviour at this age.

The book addressed all of those and much more. It was actually very reassuring to know that we are mostly doing the "right" things, we just need to keep going. As fas the behaviour aspect, I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of what I already do in the classroom with teenagers applies to toddlers as well, just heavily simplified.

It was really helpful to learn how toddlers think at this age. For instance, they have a hard time sharing because they don't understand the concept of ownership yet. The book explains how their understanding of those concepts develop and gives some strategies for helping them learn. That stuff was very interesting to me and I feel that having a better idea of where A's frustrations come from can help me manage expectations and potential tantrums a little better. In that sense, I came away from this book feeling more confident and prepared.

The WTE books seem to get a bad rap, especially the pregnancy one, but I have to admit that I don't mind them. Their format can be obnoxious, sure, and they are written as if they are Cosmo articles in book form. But the information is good and thorough, which is the most important thing to me. That's why I keep coming back to them. WTE The Second Year is a good reference for this stage of development and worth checking out.

For more insight into toddler tantrums, I'd also recommend Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Toddler On The Block. I'm not planning on a separate post for that because I didn't actually read the book. My library only had the dvd so I watched that instead. It was also very helpful. We don't really do the caveman thing with A, which is the main "gimmick" of this book/video, but there is a lot of useful information about the toddler mindset and managing tantrums. 

Revisiting The Tried and True

Back in my student days, I had a bit of a summer reading ritual: as soon as school was done for the summer months, I was off to the library to pick up something by John Irving or Graham Greene, two of my favourite authors. My goal was to eventually work my way through all of their books. Since then, life has gotten in the way and I am behind with a lot of my favourites so I decided it was time to do something about it. It's been a pretty mediocre year so far and I'm hoping that revisiting some of my old favourites will help turn things around.

Here's who/what I'm planning to catch up on in the coming months:

• John Irving, though I haven't decided which book yet. He may also be publishing a new one in the fall, which I'm very excited about.
• Graham Greene, either The Third Man or Travels With My Aunt.
• Alice Munro, Dear Life
• Khaled Hosseini, And The Mountains Echoed
• Judy Blume, In The Unlikely Event. I'm so excited for this one! Here's a great interview with Blume about this novel/
• Malcolm Gladwell, The Tipping Point. Oddly enough, I have yet to read to his very first book.
• Michael Ondaatje, not sure whether to go with something old or something new yet.
• Something fun by Sophie Kinsella
• Agatha Christie, the first book in the Miss Marple series.

That list may be a little too ambitious but we'll see how far I get. There's one favourite missing from the list because she's actually already been done this year (The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver). That's a good start, right? 

I've also been dipping into multiple series in the last little while so next time I feel like a good, long, meaty read, I might just tackle the next book in the Outlander or Song of Ice and Fire series. But first, something new: I'll be starting Divergent in the next few days. I've been looking forward to it so here's hoping it lives up to the hype!

Who are some of your favourites? What/who do you go for when you want to guarantee a good read? 

Review: The Brass Verdict

The Brass Verdict, Michael Connelly

The Lincoln Lawyer/Mickey Haller series #2

Fiction, Ebook

The months of May and June are what I call "Family High Season" because during these two months, we celebrate all three of our birthdays, my dad's birthday, and our wedding anniversary. That's on top of Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day. It's a busy time, to say the least, and why things have been so quiet around here. Between all of that celebrating, there hasn't been much time for blogging or reading.

In need of something (relatively) light and fast-paced to help pick up momentum, I decided to revisit The Lincoln Lawyer series. The Brass Verdict is the second book in the series, picking up about a year after the first one ends. When a colleague is murdered and his entire practice is left to Mickey Haller (aka the Lincoln Lawyer, so called because his office is the back of his Lincoln Town Car), he's thrown back into the game after a year away. One of the clients he inherits is a big shot Hollywood executive about to go on trial for double murder. Haller has to figure out how to defend this guy, why his colleague was murdered, and whether the two are connected without making himself another target.

I read the first book a couple of years ago because the movie trailers looked interesting. I really enjoyed it and the movie was well done too. Matthew McConaughey is perfect and it was hard not to picture him as Mickey Haller while reading The Brass Verdict. Just like the first book, I enjoyed Haller's sense of humour and his somewhat loose ethics. I enjoyed the courtroom drama, though the twist at the end was a bit melodramatic and predictable. I also enjoyed the developing relationship between Mickey and Detective Harry Bosch, who is the star of another series by Michael Connelly. The Brass Verdict was exactly what I needed and if you are interested in crime or legal dramas, definitely check out this series!

Here's the trailer for The Lincoln Lawyer. It's too bad they didn't end up franchising it.

Review: Pattern Recognition

Pattern Recognition, William Gibson

Fiction, book club

It's been a couple of weeks since I finished Pattern Recognition and I still don't have much to say about it. It was a book club selection, one that I'd been looking forward to since it was different from our usual fare. Unfortunately, it didn't live up to expectations.

Kind of like Such A Long Journey, the blurb led me astray. I thought that there was going to be mystery, suspense, maybe some danger. There was a mystery but the whole thing just wasn't very engaging. I kept thinking, "Is this all there is? Really?" I never believed Cayce, the main character, was in any real danger. I still don't fully understand the resolution. All in all, it was a disappointment.

Almost halfway in, this year isn't shaping up to be a very satisfying one as far as books go. Any good recommendations to turn this ship around, kind readers?

Reflecting On Our First Year

Two Fridays ago, Baby A turned one! It was simultaneously the longest and shortest year ever. My online mom's group had a discussion recently about surviving our first year and it was interesting to see what everyone had to say about their most favourite, least favourite, and most surprising aspects of motherhood. I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on these things lately, so here are mine:

Most Favourite 

Without a doubt, A's smiles and giggles are the greatest thing I've ever experienced. They are what I live for. There is such a sweet innocence to them and so much joy in her laughter that it makes my heart burst. 

A close second are her kisses, which she gives without prompting. They often leave me with a wet face but they are the best. In third place is her little voice saying "mama," even though I am still not sure that she knows what she is referring to when she says it. I just love hearing it.

Least favourite

The production required to leave the house with a baby is really fracking annoying. Having to strategize leaving the house around feeding and nap times is a pain, too, but is certainly much easier now than it was during the first few months.

The lack of flexibility in our lives is also a source of frustration at times. We were never really super spontaneous to begin with, but it was nice to be able to pick and up go somewhere whenever we wanted to. Now it's a lot more complicated.

Most Surprising

I think what took me by surprise the most has been the sheer all-consuming nature of this gig.Once that baby is born, you're "on" and there is no "off" anymore. Knowing that intellectually before having a baby is very different from actually experiencing it. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything was transformed in some way once A was born. It was exhausting in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Babies rely on you for everything and have zero regard for your own need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom. When you're completely drained and don't feel like you have anything left to give of yourself, the baby cries/vomits/has a diaper explosion (or all three at the same time) and you have no choice but to keep on giving.

That cycle brings with it a complex web of emotions that also took me by surprise. I'm generally pretty even-keeled but both pregnancy and this past year have been a roller coaster. There's the heart-bursting love and pride that I have for this tiny human I helped create. There's also the constant worry about every decision we make and whether it's truly the best one for her in the long run. I remember when she first started smiling at us around 6 or 7 weeks and being totally overwhelmed by the need to prove ourselves worthy of her unconditional love and trust. Then there's good ol' mom guilt. Often, it's all of these at once.


It feels like I am making it out to be a far more negative experience than it was. It was just a really big adjustment and was not without its challenges. There are definitely things I now wish I'd done differently. But all three of us made it through Year One and ultimately, I think we did pretty well. Those smiles and kisses have made all the rest worth slogging through and I have no doubt that they'll keep us going through the impending toddler years!