One of the many things I didn't appreciate before TTC is all of the stupid, inappropriate things people say to women on the subect of TTC. They always mean well and I'm sure I've said my share of idiotic things too, but this is a subject that is best left alone unless you really know the person you are talking to.
Over the last couple of weeks, here's a sampling of what I've heard from one of my coworkers:
"When are you planning to have kids? You've been married for a while right?"
[Followed, of course, in the next breath by complaints about how her mother used to ask her that all the time and it drove her crazy]
"Don't wait too long to have kids. The older you get, the harder it is on your body." [She had twins at 38]
"How old are you? Seriously, just forget this teaching thing and go have kids. It's brutal when you're older."
It was no big deal at first, just casual conversation, but it is getting more persistent and really starting to irritate me. I'm now into month #10 and it's yet another long cycle - day 43 and still waiting for a positive OPK. The longer it drags on, the less patience I have for this crap.
I try to laugh it off and change the subject but what I'd really like to tell her is that it's pretty damn hard to do anything BUT wait and I'd appreciate NOT being reminded of the passage of time. I'd really like to tell her that my plans are none of her damn business. I'd really like to tell her that my body is giving me enough grief just trying to get pregnant, I don't need to hear how bad it'll be if I eventually do manage to get pregnant. And mostly...
Seriously. Why do people think this is ok?
Ugh - that's the worst. People shouldn't make those comments ever...it's so irritating. I don't understand why people think it is any of their business. Im sorry you have to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteYou could shoot back with "we' re trying but it's not as easy as we hoped" or something. Maybe that would be enough to get her off your back. That was the one decent thing about having a miscarriage - it certainly shut those conversations down quickly. On the other hand, maybe it would just open the door to other types of advice ("just relax!" or " it'll happen when you stop trying!") - not sure which is worse.
(((hugs))) to you
Thanks! I had considered saying something along those lines but in the end, I just didn't feel like she was someone I could trust with that information. She talks way too much and I'd still never hear the end of it. And everyone else would know by the end of the week, too. Mostly I just try to avoid her. People really need to think before they speak.
DeleteUgh, so obnoxious. I can certainly commiserate and hope it gets better for you! I've been known to run in the other direction if I see someone coming who I know is always good for saying stupid and insensitive things about me getting KU. She hasn't seemed to catch on so yet I figure I'll just keep with this method until it no longer works for me. GL dealing with the idiots.
ReplyDeleteugh, so sorry you have to deal with that! :( People can be so ridiculous & insensitive sometimes, seriously! Just the other day I went into the bank where I used to work & an old co-worker that I worked with 5+ years ago asked if I had kids yet & told me I "shouldn't wait too long", "do it while you're young", etc., SO none of her business. I'm not ready to announce yet so all I said was "yeah, we'd like to". Even so it's still offensive, but I did think how I would've felt if I was still TTC...I feel like people just never seem to think that maybe it's not so easy for everyone. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I can totally understand you wanting to give that lady a piece of your mind!
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