Summer Days, Drifting Away

T-minus two weeks until school starts! There are two reviews on deck in the near future (Freakonomics and The Tipping Point) but in the meantime, a few random updates:

• A is cutting her third tooth of the summer and the fourth is not far behind. These include her lower molars. It has not been a great time.
• Also not a great time: A has decided she hates when I change her diaper and will not lay down for me. I've tried nearly every suggestion I've come across, including introducing the potty, but nothing has worked. The alligator wrestling is getting old. 
• Our house is currently cleaner than it's been since before I got pregnant. Yay! This is because we're dealing a fruit fly infestation. Not yay. Not yay at all.
• The job search hasn't been going well. I seem to be limited by my lack of Masters in Education and my lack of counselling experience. It's discouraging and makes me think it's easier to just stay in teaching.
• Speaking of which, a full-time teaching job came up for the fall semester that I think I have a reasonable shot of getting. After some initial panic, I had an epiphany of sorts and am actually really hoping to get this. I'll write more on this in the near future. 

I think that covers the main goings-on around these parts. Stay tuned for some reviews (and hopefully employment news) soon!

Preparing For The End

There's one month left to go until school starts, which means I'm counting down the days until I have to go back to work. I'd be lying if I said that thought doesn't fill me with a certain amount of panic. After 15 months at home with A, she'll be heading to day care and I'll be heading...somewhere.

What exactly I am going back to has been a question that I've been grappling with even before getting pregnant. If you've read this blog from the beginning, you've probably gathered that work hasn't exactly been my Happy Place over the last few years. I thought that a year away might help me get my motivation back but it has only increased my desire for change.

I considered my options:

1. Same old, same old. The thought of going back to substitute teaching and continuing to wait for things to get better leaves me feeling deflated and stuck. In my province, you start out as a sub and basically wait your turn for a permanent position. It's been five years with no real prospects in sight. Maternity leave felt like a "now or never" opportunity to get off of that hamster wheel and if I don't take it, I'll constantly be wondering "what if?" 

2. A completely new direction. The big downside here is that most other career directions would require going back to school. That's a big time and money commitment that I'm not ready to make at this point. I actually did have a college program picked out before A was born but as I started looking into it more seriously, I was unable to find a version that could be done totally online. Right now, that's a deal breaker. Also a deal breaker was how much sales would be a part of the job (the program was in the financial services sector).  

3. Half in, half out. This is the current plan. I'll be going back to teaching in the fall and actively looking for something else. If I do find something, I'll take a leave of absence from teaching to see where things go. I am cautiously optimistic; while there isn't anything right now, I did come across a few interesting opportunities earlier in the year that would have been doable. That gives me hope that something will come along, I just have to keep watching and waiting.

That probably doesn't sound like much progress but it feels good to have a plan and feel like I'm doing something to make a change instead of just complaining about how much the status quo sucks. I've already updated my teaching resume and have applied for a couple of contracts, since a full-time paycheque would be good if I could get it. The non-teaching resume is a work in progress. 

What doesn't feel as good is knowing that I won't get to spend my days with A anymore. Realistically, this change will be good for both of us. She will make new friends and have tons of new experiences, and I will have some adult time again. Sometimes I get excited by the thought of having total freedom once she's in day care and I have days off. I can get stuff done around the house! I can enjoy some quiet! Then I feel guilty and worry about who will comfort her when she needs a snuggle. We found a day care that we love and I know that she will be in good hands. I know she will be ok. But it will be a big change for both of us so I'm making extra effort these days to appreciate all this time together while we still have it.

Reflecting On Our First Year

Two Fridays ago, Baby A turned one! It was simultaneously the longest and shortest year ever. My online mom's group had a discussion recently about surviving our first year and it was interesting to see what everyone had to say about their most favourite, least favourite, and most surprising aspects of motherhood. I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on these things lately, so here are mine:

Most Favourite 

Without a doubt, A's smiles and giggles are the greatest thing I've ever experienced. They are what I live for. There is such a sweet innocence to them and so much joy in her laughter that it makes my heart burst. 

A close second are her kisses, which she gives without prompting. They often leave me with a wet face but they are the best. In third place is her little voice saying "mama," even though I am still not sure that she knows what she is referring to when she says it. I just love hearing it.

Least favourite

The production required to leave the house with a baby is really fracking annoying. Having to strategize leaving the house around feeding and nap times is a pain, too, but is certainly much easier now than it was during the first few months.

The lack of flexibility in our lives is also a source of frustration at times. We were never really super spontaneous to begin with, but it was nice to be able to pick and up go somewhere whenever we wanted to. Now it's a lot more complicated.

Most Surprising

I think what took me by surprise the most has been the sheer all-consuming nature of this gig.Once that baby is born, you're "on" and there is no "off" anymore. Knowing that intellectually before having a baby is very different from actually experiencing it. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything was transformed in some way once A was born. It was exhausting in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Babies rely on you for everything and have zero regard for your own need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom. When you're completely drained and don't feel like you have anything left to give of yourself, the baby cries/vomits/has a diaper explosion (or all three at the same time) and you have no choice but to keep on giving.

That cycle brings with it a complex web of emotions that also took me by surprise. I'm generally pretty even-keeled but both pregnancy and this past year have been a roller coaster. There's the heart-bursting love and pride that I have for this tiny human I helped create. There's also the constant worry about every decision we make and whether it's truly the best one for her in the long run. I remember when she first started smiling at us around 6 or 7 weeks and being totally overwhelmed by the need to prove ourselves worthy of her unconditional love and trust. Then there's good ol' mom guilt. Often, it's all of these at once.


It feels like I am making it out to be a far more negative experience than it was. It was just a really big adjustment and was not without its challenges. There are definitely things I now wish I'd done differently. But all three of us made it through Year One and ultimately, I think we did pretty well. Those smiles and kisses have made all the rest worth slogging through and I have no doubt that they'll keep us going through the impending toddler years!

Tuesday Night Things

Ever since reading Rocketeers, the realization that I don't know what I'm passionate about anymore has been nagging away at me in the back of my mind. It's not that there is nothing to do; in fact, there are multiple unfinished projects around the house. And it's not that I don't enjoy anything anymore. The problem, I think, is that when I do get some time to spare, I spend it doing things I feel like I "should" be doing or playing catch-up rather than doing things that I really WANT to do. Other times, I do nothing and then feel guilty about it.

Today, I spent some time thinking about this and had an epiphany of sorts: I don't need to find a Tuesday Night Thing. I just need a Tuesday Night, period. It doesn't even have to be a Tuesday. Just one day of the week where I can spend an hour or two doing whatever I want would be glorious. All the things I keep putting off because they're not things that really need to be done, or even just sitting on the patio with a good book. And for that hour or two, no worries or guilt about all of the other things I should be getting done. DH is already good about giving me a break when he's home but...see above. It usually doesn't end up feeling like a break.

Some ideas for ways to spend my Tuesday Night:

• Work my way through Understanding Exposure. I started this a couple of years ago and have forgotten a lot of it because I didn't have/make the time to really practise and play with the camera. I would love to devote some time each week to this.
• Work my way through this Photoshop book I ordered back in grad school and never finished. 
• Work on this cross-stitch sampler that I bought on our honeymoon in Hawaii. 
• Keep going with the 40 Weeks challenge. This probably sounds more like work than a passion project, but I've actually been enjoying it a lot and would love to make more progress. I've been meaning to post an update on this so stay tuned!
• Bake. 
• Make more homemade pantry and freezer items. I've started making my own marinara sauce and a few other things. I really enjoy playing in the kitchen but this is one of those things that quickly becomes a chore, especially when I also have to clean up before and after! But I'd love to spend more time on these kinds of things. 
• Watch movies/shows that DH doesn't like.

See? No shortage of Tuesday Night Things. The thought of actually being able to do some of this stuff again, just for myself, is kind of amazing!

Spring At Last

It's here! After record cold temperatures this winter, spring is finally, mercifully here! Can you tell I'm just a little excited about it? This week has been filled with sunshine, trips to the park, and landscaping plans. And the best part: no boots or jackets required. Amazing.

Before we put the stroller away in the fall, walks around the neighbourhood were sanity breaks for me. Besides the car seat, it was the only way Baby A would nap without being held. She'd fall asleep by the time we got home and I'd sit out on the porch with her until she woke up. Now, she can sit upright and enjoy the view while we walk to the park. Even better, she can enjoy the swing once we're there. We tried it for the first time this past weekend and I think it's safe to say she loves it!

It's been wonderful being able to open the windows and get fresh air into the house again. Our yard and garden were woefully neglected last year so I can't wait to start getting those in order soon, too.

I didn't realize how much of a drag winter had been on my mood until things warmed up last week and I felt 1000x times better. Right now, life is good!

Kitchen Progress

February wasn't a great month for Operation Get My Shit Together. I had good intentions but they didn't get me far. I don't have high hopes for March since it will be a busy month, but we'll see.

The one project I did complete was for Week 3 of the 40 Weeks 1 Whole House challenge; I reorganized our kitchen cart. We bought it not long after I moved in with DH since the kitchen is pretty small. The extra storage and counter space is really helpful. Not so helpful when it's covered with clutter, though, as it has been for way too long. I'm really happy with the changes I made.

Here's what I started with:

I created a lunch/snack section on the left, moved the bottles out of Baby A's reach, created a space for baby feeding stuff, and created a better space for the containers. So far, it's been pretty easy to maintain.

I'm pretty proud of my handiwork! 

My goal for March is to complete the next two weeks of the challenge: create a donation/sales staging area and organize the laundry room. I'm using this challenge as motivation to deep clean these areas and tackle jobs that I've been putting off, which means the laundry room could take a while. There is a lot of unfinished crap down there! 

Inside Out

Yesterday was Baby A's inside out day! At 39 weeks, she's been an outside baby for just as long as she was inside. On Sunday, she'll be turning nine months old. Since I never did get around to sharing any belly photos, here's the comparison:

The 38 week shot is the last one I took since my water broke on the morning I turned 39 weeks. What a difference (almost) nine months makes! I'm still not sure where the time went, I just know that it's gone by way too fast.

What she's up to these days:

• Tooth #3 just cut through and #4 is not far behind. 
• Lots of smiles and giggles. She can be so playful and I live for the sound of her laughter.
• Just started waving and pointing. 
• She can babble like a champ! She's been saying "mamama,""dadada," and various other sounds for a few months now. Lately, she's been stringing together different syllables but no real words yet. 
• She does understand some words! This has been so much fun to see. During meals, if I ask her if she'd like some water, she'll either get excited and say "ba!" if she wants to drink or look away if she doesn't. 
• She knows what to do when we get a camera out. 
• Loves to look at her reflection in mirrors or screens. 
• Can sit up, though she hasn't totally mastered pulling herself up to sitting yet.
• She can stand with support and wants to be on her feet all the time. 
• She can lift her butt in the air but that's as close as we get to crawling attempts. Why bother when we can stand, right?

There's a HuffPo piece making its way around the internet right now and even though it's a little early, so much of it rings true for me. This part especially, every day:

Sometimes, when we're looking at each other laughing, I also feel the urge to cry, because you must be too good to be true. I never want any of this to end.

This little girl makes my heart so happy, it hurts. 

Getting It Together

This year, I didn't bother making any new year's resolutions. They rarely get kept anyway! Instead, I went with Alyssa's idea over at Apple Pie and the Universe and chose a theme. Between pregnancy and a newborn, then a not-so-newborn who wouldn't sleep, last year was chaos. Now that things have settled down, I've decided that 2015 is going to be the year of Getting My Shit Together.

One month in, I'm making some decent progress. We've figured out some much needed new routines and are doing fairly well with sticking to them. I've caught up with a couple of friends and am planning to continue making that a priority. I'm also working on getting the house in order, which is the big thing I'd really hoped to accomplish before returning to work.

While browsing Pinterest last fall, I discovered the 40 Weeks 1 Whole House challenge and have been using that as a guide. Week 1 involves sorting through all "kitchen papers" and creating a system to contain and manage it. That took me all of January since I had, no kidding, two years' worth of crap piled up! Week 2 is about setting up a family calendar, which we already have so that one's a breeze. I'm now embarking on Week 3: organizing lunches. The meal planning aspect will be simple, I've been doing that for years. The major task here will be reorganizing our kitchen cart, where we keep containers and other supplies, to make it more functional.

Aside from the 40 Weeks challenge, my goal for this month is to deal with work-related stuff that I've been blissfully ignoring since maternity leave began. That ends in May, but I'd like to extend through the rest of the school year and start looking for non-teaching job. I also need to update my resume and portfolio, and maybe, if I'm feeling really ambitious, I might even clean out my work emails.

So, when I'm not reading or hanging out with Baby A, this is what I'm up to these days!

Being Thankful

It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I also have a lot to look forward to, starting with the 8 week scan this Thursday when we'll get to see our bean again. I will confess, however, that I've been doing more complaining lately than giving thanks.

I promised myself that I was not going be one of those women who tries for so long to get pregnant only to constantly complain about it once she is. As it turns out, that's a lot easier said than done when the first trimester is a rough ride. I've been doing my best to limit the moaning and groaning but this week, the insomnia, nausea, aching breasts, bloating, gas, constipation, and exhaustion really started to wear me down. Not being able to predict my appetite, my mood, or my energy level from one day to the next (or from one hour to the next) is getting frustrating. Work has been slow so I had hoped to get all kinds of things done around the house. Instead, it's all piling up while I lie on the couch staring at it.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought this might be a good time to revisit the Good Things project and remind myself that there are still good things happening while I'm semi-conscious on my couch. Here's what I came up with:

• All of those symptoms are caused by a baby. There's still a baby in there.
• We'll get to see it again in a few days and finally get a picture to keep.
• DH has been wonderfully patient and understanding, and willing to live on carbs with me while I continue to avoid most meat.
• We survived three consecutive days of family meals this weekend without our secret getting out and without me feeling horrible (at least not in public). 
• I don't have to worry about lesson planning and facing my classes every day feeling like crap this semester. Supply teaching has its advantages.
• Egg McMuffins and hash browns. Breakfast of champions (and the only breakfast that appeals to me these days).
• Just 4.5ish weeks to go until the second trimester and hopefully some relief.

If you're in Canada, I hope you've had a great Thanksgiving weekend!

Working On My Fitness Part I: Staying Sane

Note: This was originally intended to be one post discussing what I've been doing to manage both mental and physical health this summer. As it turns out, I'm a little longwinded so I've broken it up into two seperate posts. This one covers the mental health and Part 2 will discuss the physical. 

Remember way back in February, when I was trying to get motivated to exercise again? I had set a goal of doing yoga at least once a week and that didn't happen. I made it all the way to the end of the school year in no better shape than when I'd started. Combined with all of the emotional and physical stresses of the year, I was in considerably worse shape all around by June.

One of the things I've been doing to get back on track is something I've already mentioned: Circle + Bloom. This is a guided meditation that has been really helpful in managing stress, and getting my mind and body on the same page. I haven't really been doing it lately, just haven't felt the need, but I'm sure that once school starts again, I'll get back into it. My cycles have been more regular than ever since I started C+B but there's really no way to know that it's responsible, obviously. It has helped me stay relaxed and at the end of the day, that's the most important thing as far as my own sanity goes.

Aside from TTC, work had me really burned out this year. When you get classes that are well-behaved and everything runs smoothly, teaching is a great job. More often than not, it doesn't turn out that way. I had a couple of really challenging classes this year (grade 9s that were below grade level, behaviour issues all around, a split class that was basically two different courses in one period) and as a school community, we were hit hard by various issues (a threat right before Christmas break, a few suicides) that had to be managed very carefully. By the end of the school year, I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. Naturally, that meant it was a good time to dig myself deeper.

Right after the school year was over, I began taking an online course. It was an Additional Qualification course in special ed. It was more intense than I'd expected it to be and at first, I thought I'd lost my mind going straight into that when all I wanted to do was stop thinking about work! In the end, though, it turned out to be exactly what I needed. The discussions with other teachers put some of my own issues into perspective, made me feel better about some of what I was doing in the classroom (it can feel very isolating at times so it's always nice to hear that others have had the same issues), and gave me strategies to try in the future. I've also been participating in the Facebook group for teachers in my region, which has had a similar effect. Spending this time reflecting on work and building up resources has actually been a very good thing. I can't say I'm going back to school completely rejuvinated and inspired, but I'm certainly going back feeling a lot more prepared and capable than I felt in June.

One positive aspect of work and my course was that they served as an effective distraction from TTC troubles. Now that both are over, I'm trying to make an effort to fill my time with other things so that I don't end up on the couch, just ruminating. Deep cleaning parts of the house and organizing all of my teaching materials should take me through the rest of the break. I also gave in and created a Pinterest account yesterday, which has been filling my head with all kinds of inspiring ideas I'll probably never get around to.

So, for now, it's all about knocking some projects off the To Do list, getting inspired for future projects, and using C+B as needed to help keep the anxiety and stress levels in check. Blogging and having a good support system offline has been helpful. I still lurk on The Bump occasionally but there are times when I just need to avoid it, and that's ok. Once the new school year begins, there will probably be some more juggling until I find another new balance but so far, so good.

Back at it

Oh. Hi there. You're still here? Thanks for sticking around. If you're wondering where I've been for the last month and a half...

First, I was doing a lot of this:

Once that was over, I started a summer online course so I was doing a lot of this:

And last week, I finally got to start enjoying the summer break properly. Hubby and I were away doing a lot of this:

This is the Carnival Liberty at Half Moon Cay, Bahamas. It was glorious.

We're back home now and  I've got three more weeks of freedom to enjoy before the school year starts up again. I've got a lot to write about over the next little while: I'm way behind on book reviews, I actually have some fitness updates since I did manage to squeeze in some progress on that front this summer, and TTC Friday will continue as we prepare to see the REI specialist next week. So, stick with me a little longer and we'll get this show back on the road!

TTC Friday: Saturday Edition

Things have been pretty quiet on the TTC front around the blog lately. There's not much left to say on the subject. When I last posted, I mentioned that the frustration was starting affect other areas of my life and I felt like I needed to take a step back. That has turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

As the months kept passing by and my cycles kept dragging on, it took up more and more mental and emotional space. I was thinking about it and worrying about it more often than not. Work, as I've mentioned many times before, has been stressful this semester and I wasn't handling it as well as I could have because my energy was focused elsewhere. It was getting to the point where I was getting behind with marking and giving up on dealing with some classroom issues; I just didn't feel up to it. Hormones being all over the place didn't help either. When I found myself starting to think bitter things like "I have bigger things to worry about right now than a bunch of immature kids acting like brats," I realized that a line had to be drawn. I was not proud of the job I'd been doing and it was exhausting feeling perpetually behind, never making progress. I don't want my students to remember me as the teacher who was tired all the time and didn't seem to want to be there. That was when I started the Good Things project.

I decided to focus on the fact that, according to my ultrasound and blood tests (however ill-timed they might have been), things are fine. I'd keep charting, temping, and doing all of the things I usually do, but I was not going to think about it beyond what was necessary. I'd start appreciating all of the things that were going right rather than focus on the one big thing that was going wrong. Letting go of that weight has been such a relief. For the first time since the semester began, I feel like I'm in control and on top of things. I'm still a bit behind but it doesn't feel like a bottomless pit anymore. I'm smiling more in class again and am putting more into my lessons again beyond just what is needed to get through each day. I am also more appreciative of my collegues; they are probably also dealing with personal things that the rest of us have no idea about and it is probably not easy for them either.

In the back of my mind, I still wonder how much longer this is going to take. I still wonder what we're going to do when we hit that one year mark. I still wonder if there is something wrong. None of worries have magically disappeared. But those worries are exactly where they need to be right now: the back of my mind.

Good Things Thursday & Friday

My four day weekend has begun and I've already gotten lazy!

Thursday's good things:

• Music that made me smile. I heard Red Red Wine on the radio while driving to work. Back when I was thirteen, that song was my definition of sexy. Totally my jam.
• A mostly cooperative grade nine class.
• A beautifully done, moving presentation of the Stations of the Cross during our Holy Thursday liturgy (I teach at a Catholic school). Our school was without a drama teacher for the first month of the semester and the person who ended up volunteering to take over has done a fantastic job. 
• Getting the grocery shopping done without getting stressed. The store was packed, as it always is when a holiday weekend is approaching, but I didn't let it get to me.
• Pomegranate margaritas!

Today's good things:

• Sleeping in
• Spending most of the day on the couch. I will probably regret this, though, since I didn't get any school work done at all.
• Finished DH's taxes. Both of ours are now done, just have to verify the numbers and send them off.
• Blueberry-banana pancakes with strawberry sauce for dinner.
• Knowing that I have three more days off.

That brings me to the end of my Good Things project. Has it made a difference? Yes. Nothing Earth-shattering but I think it has been helpful. For many of the positives I listed throughout the week, I could have listed just as many negatives. There were things that were stressful and frustrating but making this list every day helped to shift my focus away from those things. I didn't end up dwelling on them and that made them easier to deal with. I also noticed that I have a tendency to expect the worst, which gives me something I can work on. Ultimately, I needed a change of perspective and got it so I'd say the idea paid off.

Good Things Wednesday

A successful Lock Down drill this morning. Last time I had to do one of those, a kid popped a balloon in the middle of it. Not good! This was much better.

The junior boys' hockey team had a tournament at the arena next door so after our lesson in the grade ten class, they went to watch hockey and I got a break.

Also thanks to the tournament, the most disruptive kids in my grade nine class were all absent (they're on the team). It was the most mellow and productive class we've had yet.

Time to eat my lunch two days in a row!

Time to do everything I needed to in my split class. For once, I didn't feel like a chicken with my head cut off. They're still a month behind where they should be but it's starting to feel salvageable.

Shiny new hair dryer! Looking forward to trying it out tonight.

The Daily Show and Colbert are back on this week and I finally had time after work today to start catching up.

Just one more day to go until a four day weekend.

Good Things Tuesday

My travel hair dryer. My normal dryer blew out on Sunday while I was only halfway through drying my hair. I thought I'd have to make an emergency shopping trip after work on Monday but then remembered that I have a travel one lying around. My bangs look like crap but it saved me some time.

My awesome grade ten class. They make me like what I do. It's the one class I look forward to every day and those kids give me the least grief. If it wasn't for them, this semester would be miserable.

Actually having time to eat my lunch today.

Parent interviews went more smoothly than expected. The one parent I was particularly nervous about, because she kind of laid into me a year and a half ago when I taught another one of her sons, didn't even remember meeting me before. She was lovely.

It was still light out when I drove home after 7:30.

I don't have too much planning to do tonight. It was hard enough to stay awake at 9 AM today, even harder now!

The email I got today with the subject line, "Your cruise countdown begins today!" We've got summer vacation plans (booked last week) and I can't wait!

Good Things Monday

DH and I have been catching up on Mad Men and in one of the last episodes of season 4, Peggy reminds Don of one of his advertising philosophies: if you don't like what people are saying about you, change the conversation. That resonated with me. It's time to change MY conversation. I need to refocus my thinking and my energy into positive things. I need to start being proactive about the things I'm unhappy with that I can change.

To that end, I decided to try a little experiment on the blog this week. Every day, I'm going to list at least five good things that have happened. My hope is that by the end of the week, I'll be paying more attention to those than to all the other junk that is going on that just drags me down. And maybe it'll motivate me to keep seeking out positive change.

So, good things that happpened today:

1. No surprise on-call during my prep, allowing me to finish what I needed to before I had to start teaching. I try not to leave much work that needs to be done for the same day's classes, just in case, but I really needed that time today.
2. One of my most obstinate grade ten students assigned himself a new seat today, did more work and participated more than he has been all semester. Progress reports went home on Friday and it looks like he actually gives a damn, despite his attitude to the contrary all this time.
3. I survived my grade nine class.
4. I didn't have to stay too long after school. Tomorrow will be a late day; we have parent-teacher interviews from 3:30 to 7:30 so this made me happy.
5. Dinner was not what I originally planned but it turned out really good.

I found this while looking for a good image to go with this post and I think it's perfect:

Reality Bites

Back to reality this week! Sadly, March Break is over. This is progress report week at school so things are even more hectic than usual. I won`t be back to my regular blogging schedule until Friday, most likely.

A few random things:

• As usual, I didn`t accomplish the vast majority of what I`d hoped to during the break. Laziness and procrastination won out. Now I`m paying the price! I actually meant to start on the progress reports during the break and completely forgot about them until the weekend.
• Not pregnant. My luteal phase this past cycle was so weird, though, that I was convinced I was pregnant until 11dpo, when the test told me otherwise. Like clockwork, my temps dropped the next day and that was that.
• No ultrasound results yet. This is really bothering me because they said that it should only take two days to get the results back to my doctor`s office. That would have been last Friday. I called them yesterday after work and they had nothing.
• Work sucks. I`ll elaborate on this, and what I`m trying to do to make it not suck so much, in an upcoming blog.
• I`m currently reading Tinker Tailor Solider Spy and it is not going well. My brain is too tired to follow something that complex right now.

Until Friday...

March Break Retail Therapy

Happy March Break!

Things have stalled a bit as far as reading goes. I have about an hour left of Little Princes so I am hoping to get that reviewed by the end of this week. I'm also about 2/3 of the way through The Virgin Suicides. I was hoping to pick up the pace during the break but am finding that I'm just not in the mood.

Instead of reading, I've been working on getting some of my March Break goals accomplished. Mission #1: shopping! I spent yesterday with my mom, wandering the mall. I have a stockpile of Christmas gift cards to use so I tried to make a dent in them. It wasn't as successful as I'd hoped but I did end up with some good finds.

From Ricki's, this top...

I also wanted this one but the store didn't have my size. I'll be going to another location later this week, hopefully I can find it there:

 

We had some fun playing with the make-up at Sephora. I ended up with some $5 nail polish and a reminder that I'm not getting any younger:

Last but not least,  DH and I have been looking for a new car. The DH's car is 11 years old and it's been one issue after another for the last year or so. We've reached the point where it's easier to just replace it and last night, we did exactly that! Meet the latest addition to our household, a 2013 Chevy Equinox:

We'll be picking it up on Thursday evening.

Not a bad start to the break so far! Now, I have to motivate myself to get some work done both for school and around the house. I'd like to play in the kitchen a bit too. One week just isn't enough!

TTC Friday: We Have Lift-off!

First of all, it's finally March Break! Hallelujah!

Second, get a load of this beauty:

That last portion makes me very happy. See those crosshairs? And the steadily rising temperatures? My body finally managed to get its act together and drop an egg a week ago, so all of the estrogen-related nonsense has disappeared. I'm still waiting but this time, there's a very clear end in sight. By next week's TTC Friday update, I'll know if this was our cycle or not.

The time right around ovulation and this first week afterward is my favourite part of this whole thing. This is the part that we have some control over and the part when I feel the most hopeful. It's too early for any symptoms (or lack thereof) to mean anything and anything is still possible.

In past cycles, I was really curious and desperate to know right away whether we were successful or not. This time, I've been pretty mellow about it. I think I've made my peace with the amount of time that's passed and the fact that it may take even more. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not testing early. I know that my temperature will start to drop at 12 DPO if I'm not pregnant and my period will show up either the next day or the one after that. This time, I'm going to trust the temps and wait it out. My husband has been this mellow from the beginning. He's always had the attitude that he'll get excited when he see those two pink lines. Until then, he's not going to worry about it. I think it's easier for him because it's not his body that's being put through the wringer. At least, not in the same way. But now, I think I get where he's coming from and I'm starting to lean that way too.

Next Wednesday, I have my pelvic ultrasound to check my left ovary. I'm curious and a bit worried about whether or not they'll be able to see anything since the pain is always before I ovulate. That will have been done with for almost two weeks by then. I'm afraid I'll end up back at square one but I'm trying not to think about that. We'll cross that bridge if/when we get there. I'm also curious if they'll be able to check the endometrium and tell me if it looks like an impending period or...not. I'd like to know about the thickness of the lining because of my super-light periods and the spotting I had this cycle. I'm wondering if it is shedding properly each time.

In any case, regardless of what next week brings, for right now, life is feeling pretty good.

[In case you are curious, the temps right now don't really tell me much one way or another. They are consistent with my pattern from previous cycles. Same with the CM. My symptoms are not, but I'm trying not to read too much into anything.]

Mid-Week Randomness

I have a review of John Steinbeck's Cannery Row in the works but don't have the brainpower to knock it out today. Initially, I was only teaching part time this semester but as of yesterday, I am back to full time. This would normally be good news but so far, it is kicking my ass.

One of my classes is a split, so there are two separate courses running together. This particular combination is not at all a good one but it is what it is and it's mine until June. The split class is last period and it is exhausting. I finish one lesson only to turn around and teach another to the other half of the class. Some days, there is overlap and that helps but most of the time, there isn't. Now that I have two other classes to teach before I even get to that one (I have prep in the morning then teach straight through the rest of the day), I am DONE when that final bell goes.

To tide you over, some random updates:

• I started listening to the audio version of Little Princes by Conor Grennan. So far, I love it. I had held off on it because I thought it would be too similar to Three Cups of Tea, which I liked a lot. This may end up being even better.
• I also started reading Alice Munro's collection, Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You. She's one of my favourite writers but I'm not feeling this one yet.
• I did not get around to yoga last week. The plan was to do it over the weekend but I found out on Friday that I was getting those two new classes and spent the weekend planning...also being a bit lazy since it was a long weekend. I'm hoping to work it in this week.
• Still haven't ovulated, though I think I did get an actual positive OPK two days ago. WTF, body?!

I'll leave you with my weekday anthem...