On Wednesday morning, we had our first appointment with the REI (Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility) specialist. We spent more time sitting around waiting than we did actually talking with the doctor, but things went well and we're now on the path to IF testing.
Before we met the doctor, we met one of the fellows who works with him (the clinic is at a hospital) and she took both of our histories, including details about my cycles. She took that information to the doctor, they reviewed it together, then both came back to discuss with DH and me. I was expecting to get a pelvic exam or ultrasound as well but they didn't ask. I don't know if it was because they already had that information from when I had them done in Feb/March (they did make reference to the u/s results at one point), or the timing, or if they just don't do that during consults at all.
The doctor told us the same thing I'd read in one of my TTC books: after trying unsuccessfully for one year, 40% of the time, it's a male issue and 40% of the time, it's a female issue. He said that based on my history over the past year, he suspects PCOS, but won't say for sure until after all of the testing is done. I had thought that the fact that I'm still ovulating each cycle would be significant but it didn't seem to be. I got the impression that egg quality could be an issue given the delayed ovulation in most cycles, though the doctor didn't explicitly say that. He did say that based on all of the information he has so far, the goal will be to get me ovulating properly. I'm totally onboard with that!
As I had suspected going into the appointment, the timing wasn't ideal for any testing this cycle. The plan is to wait until next the next cycle begins, then go in for CD3 bloodwork, an HSG somewhere around CD7-10, and 7dpo bloodwork. The DH also got a requisition for a semen analysis, which is all the lucky bugger needs to do and he was able to schedule that for next week. Once all of the results are back, the doctor will bring us back in and we'll discuss where to go from there. I'm hoping, though, that I'll be able to call and get the results of the individual tests before that meeting. It would be nice to have a rough idea of where we're at without having to wait that long! The semen analysis results alone could eleminate 40% of the worry.
We both came away from the appointment feeling good about it. We both liked the doctor, Dr. P, who was very friendly and very empathetic to our situation. One of the things I'd been concerned about was what happens if we were to conceive again before we were actually getting treatment. The family doctor doesn't typically see people very early and they don't do anything beyond a urine test, but I'd like to know what's going on given what happened last time. Before I could even ask about this, Dr. P said that if I should happen to get pregnant again before we made it to the testing, to call and ask for a beta draw so that they could monitor it. When I told him that this was the exact thing I'd been wondering, his response was, "Of course we'll look after it. You're a part of the family now." I don't think we could have asked for better than that.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Working On My Fitness Part 2: Let's Get Physical
Ok, I may not be as bad as Liz Lemon but my arms do need some serious work. Among other parts.
In terms of physical fitness, the original plan was to do a combination of yoga and Couch-2-5K. Both of those turned out to be a lost cause while school was still on. Once summer holidays began, we had a brutal heatwave and there was no way I was leaving the comfort of central air for that mess. Thanks to youtube, this became Plan B:
Keaira Leshae is fabulous. And that body! Damn, girl. This dance workout is pretty intense and I'm still not coordinated enough to get all the moves right, but it's fun. I've never really gotten into running on past attempts anyway, so I think I'm going to stick with this. Keaira has a bunch of other workouts that I'd also like to try at some point.
For most of July, I was alternating the above workout one day with yoga (still doing The Joy of Yoga by Crunch Fitness) the next day. This combination has been great for my abs, butt, and thighs - the major areas I am looking to tone up. Unfortunately, it doesn't work my upper arms the way I'd like; it hits the triceps but not the biceps, which is what I really need. We have some free weights at home so DH has been giving me suggestions for exercises I can add to my routine to help fill in that gap.
Before the cruise, I was just starting to see some tightening and muscle tone forming. I had more energy and was feeling good about my body. While we did a lot of walking on port days, I didn't end up mainting things as well as I'd hoped during the trip so the current goal is to get back on track. Once I'm back into the routine, I'll start incorporating DH's suggestions for the biceps.
If you have any suggestions for for workouts that might be fun to try, let me know!
PS: Over the next little while, I'll be giving the blog a makeover and updating/organzing the blogroll. Sorry if things start to look a little wonky!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Working On My Fitness Part I: Staying Sane
Remember way back in February, when I was trying to get motivated to exercise again? I had set a goal of doing yoga at least once a week and that didn't happen. I made it all the way to the end of the school year in no better shape than when I'd started. Combined with all of the emotional and physical stresses of the year, I was in considerably worse shape all around by June.
One of the things I've been doing to get back on track is something I've already mentioned: Circle + Bloom. This is a guided meditation that has been really helpful in managing stress, and getting my mind and body on the same page. I haven't really been doing it lately, just haven't felt the need, but I'm sure that once school starts again, I'll get back into it. My cycles have been more regular than ever since I started C+B but there's really no way to know that it's responsible, obviously. It has helped me stay relaxed and at the end of the day, that's the most important thing as far as my own sanity goes.
Aside from TTC, work had me really burned out this year. When you get classes that are well-behaved and everything runs smoothly, teaching is a great job. More often than not, it doesn't turn out that way. I had a couple of really challenging classes this year (grade 9s that were below grade level, behaviour issues all around, a split class that was basically two different courses in one period) and as a school community, we were hit hard by various issues (a threat right before Christmas break, a few suicides) that had to be managed very carefully. By the end of the school year, I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. Naturally, that meant it was a good time to dig myself deeper.
Right after the school year was over, I began taking an online course. It was an Additional Qualification course in special ed. It was more intense than I'd expected it to be and at first, I thought I'd lost my mind going straight into that when all I wanted to do was stop thinking about work! In the end, though, it turned out to be exactly what I needed. The discussions with other teachers put some of my own issues into perspective, made me feel better about some of what I was doing in the classroom (it can feel very isolating at times so it's always nice to hear that others have had the same issues), and gave me strategies to try in the future. I've also been participating in the Facebook group for teachers in my region, which has had a similar effect. Spending this time reflecting on work and building up resources has actually been a very good thing. I can't say I'm going back to school completely rejuvinated and inspired, but I'm certainly going back feeling a lot more prepared and capable than I felt in June.
One positive aspect of work and my course was that they served as an effective distraction from TTC troubles. Now that both are over, I'm trying to make an effort to fill my time with other things so that I don't end up on the couch, just ruminating. Deep cleaning parts of the house and organizing all of my teaching materials should take me through the rest of the break. I also gave in and created a Pinterest account yesterday, which has been filling my head with all kinds of inspiring ideas I'll probably never get around to.
So, for now, it's all about knocking some projects off the To Do list, getting inspired for future projects, and using C+B as needed to help keep the anxiety and stress levels in check. Blogging and having a good support system offline has been helpful. I still lurk on The Bump occasionally but there are times when I just need to avoid it, and that's ok. Once the new school year begins, there will probably be some more juggling until I find another new balance but so far, so good.
Friday, August 16, 2013
TTC Friday: Still Chugging Along
The good news on the TTC front is that I've now had two normal length cycles in a row - this last one was the shortest so far, at 33 days. The bad news is that I'm still not pregnant. And I'm still not convinced that my body is totally fine either. Back in the fall, I had two cycles that were on the shorter side and I got my hopes up, but it all went to hell again from there. Nothing has been a reliable predictor, unfortunately.
In the meantime, DH and I have our first appointment with the REI specialist next Wednesday. How I feel about it changes multiple times a day. Part of me is nervous about it and dreading having to go through all of the testing. There, too, I'm torn between being afraid of the results and being afraid of an "unexplained" diagnosis. Part of me is disappointed that we're at this point in the process; it feels like a failure, or like giving up. Yet another part of me just wants to get this show on the road and get a plan in place, to start making some kind of progress. It's a strange, confusing, frustrating place to be.
The cruise we took last week was a fantastic getaway and helped us unwind from all of the stresses of the past year, which was the whole point, but the last couple of days were bitterwseet. Just the fact that we were on the cruise in the first place was a bit of a kick in the pants. We had gone on an Alaskan cruise last summer that was intended to be our last big trip before we started TTC and we naively expected to be either pregnant or with a new baby by now. Instead, I woke up to a couple more BFNs on Thursday and Friday morning, and we sat in our lounge chairs figuring out how to get DH out of work for the REI appointment. It also became evident those last couple of days that this process is really starting to wear on DH, too. I think that the longer it takes, the more he starts to worry that he is the problem. He's also getting tired of the endless waiting and the emotional roller coaster of each cycle, which I completely understand.
Despite all of the worries and fears, I think it will be a good thing to have a sense of direction and some kind of plan in place. At the very least, it will be great to finally talk to a doctor who doesn't need me to explain to him why androgen levels in my blood might be useful to check and that androgens are not actually progesterone (my new family doctor and I are not destined for a long-term relationship). There will probably be a lot more waiting - I'll be on CD11 so blood work will likely have to wait until next cycle - but this kind of waiting feels more productive and less like we're drifting in the wind.
For those three short days back in June when I was pregnant, I had this sense of happiness and peace that I can't explain but that I desperately want to get back. If all of this will get us there, then it's worth it. I just have to keep telling myself that.
In the meantime, DH and I have our first appointment with the REI specialist next Wednesday. How I feel about it changes multiple times a day. Part of me is nervous about it and dreading having to go through all of the testing. There, too, I'm torn between being afraid of the results and being afraid of an "unexplained" diagnosis. Part of me is disappointed that we're at this point in the process; it feels like a failure, or like giving up. Yet another part of me just wants to get this show on the road and get a plan in place, to start making some kind of progress. It's a strange, confusing, frustrating place to be.
The cruise we took last week was a fantastic getaway and helped us unwind from all of the stresses of the past year, which was the whole point, but the last couple of days were bitterwseet. Just the fact that we were on the cruise in the first place was a bit of a kick in the pants. We had gone on an Alaskan cruise last summer that was intended to be our last big trip before we started TTC and we naively expected to be either pregnant or with a new baby by now. Instead, I woke up to a couple more BFNs on Thursday and Friday morning, and we sat in our lounge chairs figuring out how to get DH out of work for the REI appointment. It also became evident those last couple of days that this process is really starting to wear on DH, too. I think that the longer it takes, the more he starts to worry that he is the problem. He's also getting tired of the endless waiting and the emotional roller coaster of each cycle, which I completely understand.
Despite all of the worries and fears, I think it will be a good thing to have a sense of direction and some kind of plan in place. At the very least, it will be great to finally talk to a doctor who doesn't need me to explain to him why androgen levels in my blood might be useful to check and that androgens are not actually progesterone (my new family doctor and I are not destined for a long-term relationship). There will probably be a lot more waiting - I'll be on CD11 so blood work will likely have to wait until next cycle - but this kind of waiting feels more productive and less like we're drifting in the wind.
For those three short days back in June when I was pregnant, I had this sense of happiness and peace that I can't explain but that I desperately want to get back. If all of this will get us there, then it's worth it. I just have to keep telling myself that.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Back at it
Oh. Hi there. You're still here? Thanks for sticking around. If you're wondering where I've been for the last month and a half...
First, I was doing a lot of this:
And last week, I finally got to start enjoying the summer break properly. Hubby and I were away doing a lot of this:
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| This is the Carnival Liberty at Half Moon Cay, Bahamas. It was glorious. |
We're back home now and I've got three more weeks of freedom to enjoy before the school year starts up again. I've got a lot to write about over the next little while: I'm way behind on book reviews, I actually have some fitness updates since I did manage to squeeze in some progress on that front this summer, and TTC Friday will continue as we prepare to see the REI specialist next week. So, stick with me a little longer and we'll get this show back on the road!
Friday, June 28, 2013
TTC Friday: Tick, Tick, BOOM
Well. Look at that.
It's hard to say what brought on this "normal" cycle. Could have been my body resetting itself after the chemical pregnancy. Could have been reduced stress levels/better management of stress thanks to Circle + Bloom. Could have been better eating habits (no skipping lunch this time), drinking more water each day, and taking my vitamins again. Could have been because it was Tuesday. Who knows. Whatever it was, I'm grateful for it because it's given me some hope and a real sense of a "fresh" start.
I got the call yesterday for my specialist appointment. DH and I both have to go in for the initial session, which will be on August 21st. I'm glad it's later because it'll give us some more time to mentally/emotionally prepare for it, and get in at least one more cycle on our own if this one is not it. My fingers are staying crossed that we won't need to keep that appointment.
Not too long ago, I came across this article about Khloe Kardashian where she discusses the speculation about her infertility. I feel for her (who'd have thought I'd ever say that about a Kardashian?!) because that is nobody's business and she shouldn't have to explain herself. Khloe's argument was that she's not dealing with infertility, her hormones are just off. My reaction when I read that was, "the denial is strong with this one." When you're being medicated and having monitoring ultrasounds...yeah, you're dealing with infertility.
The doctor I've been referred to specializes in REI - reproductive endocrinology and infertility. The receptionist at my doctor's office kept making reference to going to the "fertility clinic" every time I spoke to her on the phone. Each time I'd hear the terms "infertility" and "fertility clinic" I'd find myself feeling defensive and wanting to say, "wait! I'm not dealing with infertility here, I'm not going to the clinic for all that. I probably just have hormone issues." So, it seems Ms. Kardashian is not the only one with a touch of denial. I have been feeling better about this whole thing compared to last week (thank you for the supportive comments, by the way!) but these labels are something I will need to get my head around and come to terms with.
(In case you're wondering, the title of this post comes from the fact that my DH keeps calling Circle + Bloom "Circle and BOOM" so when I actually ovulated, that's what came to mind. Well, that and "boom goes the dynamite" but I think I'll save that one for a BFP!)
It's hard to say what brought on this "normal" cycle. Could have been my body resetting itself after the chemical pregnancy. Could have been reduced stress levels/better management of stress thanks to Circle + Bloom. Could have been better eating habits (no skipping lunch this time), drinking more water each day, and taking my vitamins again. Could have been because it was Tuesday. Who knows. Whatever it was, I'm grateful for it because it's given me some hope and a real sense of a "fresh" start.
I got the call yesterday for my specialist appointment. DH and I both have to go in for the initial session, which will be on August 21st. I'm glad it's later because it'll give us some more time to mentally/emotionally prepare for it, and get in at least one more cycle on our own if this one is not it. My fingers are staying crossed that we won't need to keep that appointment.
Not too long ago, I came across this article about Khloe Kardashian where she discusses the speculation about her infertility. I feel for her (who'd have thought I'd ever say that about a Kardashian?!) because that is nobody's business and she shouldn't have to explain herself. Khloe's argument was that she's not dealing with infertility, her hormones are just off. My reaction when I read that was, "the denial is strong with this one." When you're being medicated and having monitoring ultrasounds...yeah, you're dealing with infertility.
The doctor I've been referred to specializes in REI - reproductive endocrinology and infertility. The receptionist at my doctor's office kept making reference to going to the "fertility clinic" every time I spoke to her on the phone. Each time I'd hear the terms "infertility" and "fertility clinic" I'd find myself feeling defensive and wanting to say, "wait! I'm not dealing with infertility here, I'm not going to the clinic for all that. I probably just have hormone issues." So, it seems Ms. Kardashian is not the only one with a touch of denial. I have been feeling better about this whole thing compared to last week (thank you for the supportive comments, by the way!) but these labels are something I will need to get my head around and come to terms with.
(In case you're wondering, the title of this post comes from the fact that my DH keeps calling Circle + Bloom "Circle and BOOM" so when I actually ovulated, that's what came to mind. Well, that and "boom goes the dynamite" but I think I'll save that one for a BFP!)
Friday, June 21, 2013
TTC Friday: Surreal
Where has the last month gone?! Work has been so busy that everything, blogging included, fell by the wayside. The school year is winding down now, though, and it's time to start catching up.
The last month has been somewhat surreal as far as TTC goes. When I last posted, I had just gotten a +OPK on CD64. Here's how that cycle turned out:
I was convinced during the entire LP (luteal phase) that my period was coming because everything felt like typical PMS. When I saw the temp spike on CD76, I remember thinking "WTF?" but then it went back down and by CD78, I was sure my period would start the next day. It was the usual pattern. I had no plans to test at all and had already mentally checked out of cycle 6. Then my temp went back up and, well, you can see the rest.
I've been trying to come up with the right words to describe or explain those few days but I can't quite get there. On the one hand, it is a relief to know that we can conceive and maybe it's a good sign that things are working. On the other hand, it still seems awfully cruel, after all this time, to have been given those few days and then have it taken away. Most of the time, DH and I are optimistic but some days (like today) are just hard.
Stress has been a big factor in my life this past semester and it's very possible that my last cycle was so long because of it. I'll never know for sure but it's likely. This cycle, I've started listening to the Circle + Bloom freebie recording to help manage the stress. It has worked wonders so far, though the jury is still out on what effect it may have on my cycle. I'm not sure I'm willing to spend the money on the full program but I do believe in their philosophy, and I have noticed positive changes since I started using the free download. School being out for the summer will go a long way toward relieving my stress too!
As I get further on in this cycle and (hopefully) closer to ovulation, the anxiety is starting to ramp up. Part of me wants to believe that we'll be able to get pregnant again really soon and another part of me is terrified that we'll lose it again. I hate that the excitement of getting a BFP is gone and it's now a source of fear.
We're also preparing ourselves for the 1 year mark next month. I saw my new family doctor this week and have been referred to a fertility clinic so I am waiting to hear back on that. My fingers are crossed that I won't need that appointment but nothing about this process has been that easy, so I'm not holding my breath. Now we begin the research into what's covered by our provincial health care plan/our own insurance and what's not. It's also time to start having those conversations we've been putting off about how far we are willing to go with testing/treatment.
In my head, I always knew this was a possibility and I kow it's what needs to be done, but I still can't quite believe that we are here.
The last month has been somewhat surreal as far as TTC goes. When I last posted, I had just gotten a +OPK on CD64. Here's how that cycle turned out:
I've been trying to come up with the right words to describe or explain those few days but I can't quite get there. On the one hand, it is a relief to know that we can conceive and maybe it's a good sign that things are working. On the other hand, it still seems awfully cruel, after all this time, to have been given those few days and then have it taken away. Most of the time, DH and I are optimistic but some days (like today) are just hard.
Stress has been a big factor in my life this past semester and it's very possible that my last cycle was so long because of it. I'll never know for sure but it's likely. This cycle, I've started listening to the Circle + Bloom freebie recording to help manage the stress. It has worked wonders so far, though the jury is still out on what effect it may have on my cycle. I'm not sure I'm willing to spend the money on the full program but I do believe in their philosophy, and I have noticed positive changes since I started using the free download. School being out for the summer will go a long way toward relieving my stress too!
As I get further on in this cycle and (hopefully) closer to ovulation, the anxiety is starting to ramp up. Part of me wants to believe that we'll be able to get pregnant again really soon and another part of me is terrified that we'll lose it again. I hate that the excitement of getting a BFP is gone and it's now a source of fear.
We're also preparing ourselves for the 1 year mark next month. I saw my new family doctor this week and have been referred to a fertility clinic so I am waiting to hear back on that. My fingers are crossed that I won't need that appointment but nothing about this process has been that easy, so I'm not holding my breath. Now we begin the research into what's covered by our provincial health care plan/our own insurance and what's not. It's also time to start having those conversations we've been putting off about how far we are willing to go with testing/treatment.
In my head, I always knew this was a possibility and I kow it's what needs to be done, but I still can't quite believe that we are here.
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